Of course I’ve got some books, but I know that you can’t always take book advice literally. So what I’m looking for is any advice to help us with the new arrival such as
- what would you recommend we need
- what would you recommend we don’t need
- do you have any tips on how to survive the first few weeks
- are there useful things I can make
- any books you think I should read
- any good website I should visit
- any organisation tips for all the baby gear
Any tips very gratefully received …
Hi,
I have a two year old daughter and here’s my advice. There were a couple of things we didn’t buy before the arrival which we needed shortly afterwards: formula (baby didn’t take to the breast) and a bouncy chair. We used everything we bought and I would highly recommend washable nappies for the first 6-12 months.
To survive the first few weeks, don’t get into the habit of picking up baby whenever there is a whimper; babies learn that this will get them attention and so will do it all the time. If the basics are covered and everything appears ok (temp, fed, winded, changed) then it probably is…
The best thing to do for your sanity is to move the baby into their own room as soon as possible. We did this after six weeks and soon after our daughter was sleeping right through the night. It’s something she’s managed to do now for over two years with maybe 5 nights where she hasn’t slept through.
Don’t read any books or visit any websites. It’s hard to believe, but it does all come naturally. Also, the best source of advice are your parents; the two above were from my Mum.
Cheers,
Austin.
Things I found that were important to have in the first few weeks:
– Disposable diapers: Even though we switched to cloth diapering, disposables were nice in those first few weeks when we were low on sleep!
– Feminine hygiene pads: For residual bleeding after the vaginal birth.
– Swaddling blanket: Our baby slept best when swaddled. Not every baby does, though. Larger sized flannel or lightweight blankets were best.
– Bouncy chair: Nice to put him there and have him with me when I was in the kitchen. Ours had a “vibrate” setting which he enjoyed.
– Burp cloths: Our baby spit up A LOT. Not every baby does, though. We used cloth diapers because they’re cheap and absorbent.
– Freezer meals/meals from friends and family: Wonderful to not have to cook, when you’re waking up every few hours!
– Pen and paper: I tracked the baby’s sleep, eating, and diapers for the first few weeks. It was also handy to write down things that I’d think of while I was feeding him.
– Baby carrier: We used a Baby Bjorn when we did go out, which was an easy way to carry the baby. He fell asleep in it most of the time.
– Supportive family and friends: A must! Friends who are okay with you having a messy house, who can listen without giving too much advice, who can encourage you and let you know that you’re doing great.
Not as important:
– Lots of “newborn” clothes: Our baby was mostly in a diaper for the first few weeks, only wearing clothes when we went out (which wasn’t often). He outgrew them within weeks, too (but he was a big baby, too!).
– Bassinet: This was nice initially to have the baby in the room with us (easier to feed him) but we transitioned to the crib after just a few weeks. I wouldn’t have bought one, but we had one that we borrowed from a friend.
My tips for the first few weeks:
– Expect to get nothing done!
– Don’t commit to visitors. You need all the rest you can get, and scheduling in lots of visits may make you feel stressed when the time comes and all you want to do is take a nap!
– Skin-to-skin contact (I was topless, baby in diaper) helped me a lot to get breastfeeding started well. I did that for the first week or two.
– Budget $ for extra eating-out/take-out and for paying for the services of a lactation consultant (if breastfeeding is very important to you). We ended up not needing to see one, but I’ve had many friends who had a hard time getting going w/ breastfeeding. Best to ask for help sooner than later – again, if that’s a priority for you.
You’ve probably already seen many of my posts about baby books, although I am planning a “summary” one soon.
You’ll do great!
Hi Kate – Well, the first thing I would tell you is to not overwhelm yourself with all the “gadgets and toys” that come along with a new baby. There is nothing in the world that you NEED (as much as people will tell you that).
I had a stressful and long delivery on the first one. I ended up having a c-section so make sure to be flexible and don’t think that if you plan out how it’s going to work that will be how it ends up. This is one event you can not plan.
What I would tell you is to stick with your instinct. You will always know best for you and the baby! You will know when things feel right.
Secondly, sleep at every opportunity. Although it might seem hard, sleep when you can… that will keep you going. Hopefully you will have some help with hubby and family. Try and get people to cook for you (meal rotations) or maybe pre-cook some meals for the freezer. You will need to eat and the last thing you want to do is cook!
There are lots of websites but honestly, it’s just one of those experiences they don’t give you a manual for, you just have to take one day at a time.
Most importantly… enjoy EVERY MINUTE OF IT! Each cry, whimper, new event. It’s an amazing experience and I am sure you will do great.
Austin,
Thank you for the tips. Someone at work also recommended not picking up the baby, in fact they said they didn’t even turn on the light when they checked on their baby at night.
Putting the baby in their own room is an interesting point because their room is currently my ‘play room’. Our priority over the next month and a half is to do up our kitchen, including knocking down two walls. We didn’t think they would need their own room for a several months. However, as I’m not going to be in a position to do much work on the kitchen perhaps I can work on moving out of my room.
Corrie,
Thanks for your comment, yes I have been reading your posts with interest (I did intend to do a pregnancy journal like your but without the artwork, but didn’t find the time).
I have two weeks off before my due date so as long as I’m not early, and we have kitchen facilities, I am planning on cooking lots of meals to freeze. Fortunately my husband gets two weeks paternity leave after the birth so he will be around at the beginning as well.
Many of my friends have told me the first few months are hell, but haven’t given me advice on how to get through it so thank you for those. My doctors surgery is very keen on breastfeeding and has a lunch time clinic for mums to be in about 2 months, and its all free because it is provided by the National Health Service. My step sisters have also offered support in that area if I have problems, and as they have 10 children between them they are fairly experienced!
Megan,
Thank you for the advice. I am concerned about the sleeping aspect because it takes me a long time to fall asleep, but maybe I’ll be so exhausted it will all change!
The only thing I’ve been told we do need is the car seat because otherwise we aren’t allowed to leave the hospital. However I don’t know if this is true or an urban myth. I guess our solution to that could be to have a home birth, but as you point out things don’t always go according to plan.
I am planning on doing lots of cooking before my due date, as I finish work 2 weeks before hand. Of course if it arrives early I may get less done, but my husband gets 2 weeks paternity leave after the baby is born so can help out.
I would read all the books you can before you have the baby – reading them after my daughter was born just sent me on a guilt trip.
When you are planning your babies sleeping arrangements please take the guidelines to minimise the risk of cot death into account.
I was a minimum mom, and refused to get anything other than what was necessary… but… in one month into the game, it became clear that some of the items, though not necessary, really makes your life that much easier. Here’s my list:
Diapers
Wipes
Car Seat (if you plan to take the baby on the car)
His/Her own bed
Baby cloths
Baby bath tub
We used towels as swaddling blankets
Pacifiers
Bottles
Thermometer
Dimmers in the room baby sleeps
Stroller
1. music CD for sleep training
– we played and still play the same CD every time the baby goes to sleep. by now it’s a hypnotizing tool. Great for traveling.
2. swing or bouncer
– we held out for so long and wish we didn’t. It really was a life-saver. Buy it used, as it only is good for 4 months.
3. exersaucer or jumperoo (4 months +)
– similar to swing or bouncer. This one buys you extra hour of sleep every morning and tons of happiness.
4. His/her own room. I know people who sleep with their children until 3, and I know it’s not absolutely necessary. However, I must say that if you give them a space of their room (even a walk-in closet, or empty bathroom), it minimizes distraction to them or yourself. The day we moved out of her room at 8 weeks was arguably one of the best in my life; and the added benefits are (1) helps your relationship with your hubby (2) makes transition later much easier (3) you have a place to store all his/her stuff.
Hope this helps!
Kate,
I can’t really help on the baby front….you can ask me anything in a few years! I loved the picture, it is great to see you ‘looking pregnant’! I can’t believe it is 4 months since I saw you last. I will be seeing you in a couple of month so take lots of pictures so I don’t miss a moment.
Love Kirsten
Karen,
Thanks for your comment, I have read a few books now, particularly on encouraging babies to sleep. I was given the leaflet included on the page you linked to about cot death through my ante natal class, so I need to add that to my reading pile.
Katia,
Thank you for your comments, they are very useful. Fortunately we have been able to buy most things from ebay or borrow them from friends. The most expensive purchase we’ve made is the car seat and pram which were both new. The items we haven’t got yet that you have suggested are the pacifier, dummy and thermometer, but all are on my list.
Our nursery isn’t ready yet, but I’m hoping now that I’m on maternity leave I can spend some time sorting it. We intend for the baby to sleep in with us to start with, but I’m keen for it to become accustomed to its own room so hopefully there will be fewer problems when it is sleeping in there full time.
Kirsten,
Looking back on that picture is amusing, because I’m much rounder now!
Don’t worry I’ll make sure you don’t miss anything, we’ve got a camcorder now so we can make some videos, so all I need to do is work out how to compress them and put them on the web for you to see using my PC (I know it would be really easy on your Mac).
Just over a week to my due date, so not long now!
I only scanned the comments so I may be mistaken, but no one list a crib. Everyone needs a crib with baby bedding and some sort of calming toy to hang above it.
I have a three year old and most of the baby stage has faded but this is what I remember!
Sign up for everything you can, all the baby clubs etc. Check out all the manufacturers sites e.g. MAM, Cow and Gate etc. They all give out freebies, vouchers, dummies, soft toys, burp clothes, nappies etc. I only ever used a dummy once with my daughter and it was the freebie one I got through the post. Some website like moneysavingexpert can give you tips but I think I just typed freebies into google! Big supermarkets and pharmacies have baby clubs which offer special deals and money off vouchers.
I couldnt find burp cloths/shoulder cloths big enough, so I cut up some old bedlinen and cheap fleece blankets to make ones that covered my whole shoulder and most of my back. My daughter didnt posset too badly but the floor and the sofa and my clothes were grateful anyway!
I wish I hadnt bought a baby bath, what a waste. She came in with me or bathed in a sink for the first few months and then she was old enough to go in the big bath.
I couldnt resist the cute clothes but I bought them always in larger sizes, which was good because she grew really fast and didnt get a lot of wear out of the ones I already had.Seemed everyone else loved the cute clothes too as I got piles of newborn stuff and she was a largish baby so she wore them for five minutes!
A good ear thermometer is something worth investing in
Once the baby is born get out of the house every day even just to stand in the garden. It helps to stabilise the baby’s circadian rhythms and also will help your mental wellbeing. It can get really miserable seeing the same walls all the time. I built up to a gentle walk around the block and then to town etc
When they scream, sometimes it is for no reason at all. Write a list of reasons why they might be crying eg. cold, hot, hungry, overstimulated, tired and work through it systematically. If you feel flustered or hassled put them down somewhere safe, walk away, calm down and come back after a minute or two. They will come to no harm but babies can pick up on stress and will get upset. Calm yourself and it makes it much easier to deal with.
Try not to compare what your child is doing with anyone elses. Really, it doesnt matter what age they walk or talk or roll over as long as it is within the norm. None of this is going on their application form to university; do you know who walked first out of your friendship group? Best to avoid over-competitive mothers.
When it seems to be the worst, you cant cope any more, take a break, ask for help. Every mother has had those moments, not everyone admits to them, but its bloody hard work although lovely as well
Mumsnet.com – the greatest parenting resource out there. A website full of mothers who have done it all before, tell it straight but are full of compassion and a desire to help. Problem feeding at 3am? Post a message. Worried about the colour of your child’s poo, post a message. Struggling with your relationship, what present to buy a difficult relation, post on mumsnet.
Finally, 3 years after my daughter was born all the bad stuff has faded away and we are even contemplating another one, its all for such a short period of time. Just keep repeating ‘This too shall pass, this too shall pass!’
Linda,
We struggled to decide what to do for a bed for the first few months as many people advised us not to get a moses baskst. We thought about using a carry cot instead but we were also advised against that!
In the end we have a carry cot to go on the pushchair for when we go out walking and a moses basket for sleeping.
Sarah,
Thank you for your long comment, it is very useful. I have looked at a few websites, but haven’t requested any freebies yet, perhaps that should move up my to do list. We were looking at ear thermometers at the weekend, but have decided not to buy one at the moment. My husband apparently has a weird kink in his ear and he is worried the baby will as well so they may not work!
My plan is to go walking every day, so it is great to hear this was beneficial for you. We bought the carry cot attachment for our pushchair specifically for this reason.
I have already come across Mumsnet through web searches, but have not joined it. Today I was looking for instructions on how to put our cot together that we bought from ebay and I got the information I needed. I really must sign up and visit more often.
You’ll have a lot of time on your hands while at home, get your favourite magazine and chill!
Peoples Friend Magazine,
Thank you for your comment. I haven’t had lots of spare time to read, but I have found magazines more useful than books when I’m breastfeeding because they are easier to hold and it easier to remember where I got to.
Thanks for the post! My daughter is about to have her first baby and is a nervous wreck! She came to me for advice and I’m gather a bunch of online resources. She thinks she doesn’t know how to parent.. haha I Know she will be fine! I forwarded her your link.