I have to be honest I feel a bit embarrassed sharing this extract. But it is part of recognising my past and who I was. Plus I was in my mid teens so I’m sure it is completely natural that I was thinking about boys. And wondering if they liked, you know – liked me!
When ever I see a male I think “I wonder if he likes me” that’s a girlie attitude I’m going to change, in future it will be “I wonder what sort of friend they’ll make.”
There are three things that really surprise me:
- I wondered if every male I met liked me. This seems very egotistical to think that every male (not just boys) might like me
- I recognised this focus was not healthy so wanted to change my behaviour
- My use of the phrase girlie attitude (or as I wrote girlie attetoude). It seems derogatory but maybe it is a reflection of the era.
I would like to think I successfully changed my behaviour. However, knowing my mindset at the time, and how I was struggling to change my attitude / behaviour towards my friends, I suspect I did not follow my intention. The only way I’ll know is to keep reading my journals and see if I mention the topic in future posts.
What were you like at school? What was your attitude about the other sex? Did you spend time wondering if people liked you?