The 5 love languages of children * is a follow on book to 5 love languages. The point of the book is children need to know how much you love them, but if you don’t speak their special “love language” they won’t understand what you are saying. So you can be giving them lots of love, but they don’t feel it.
There are five love languages and although everyone (including children) speak each of them, we all have a preference for one or two:
- Quality time
- Words of affirmation (affection, endearment, praise, engagement, positive guidance)
- Acts of service
- Physical touch
I want to have a good relationship with my children when they are adults. I understand the chances are greatly increased if I show them I love them now when they are children. And now I know it is best if I express my love in their prefered love language rather than in mine.
Other important points
- It is important to distinguish between praise and affection – praise is appreciating what child does, affection is appreciating them for themselves
- “A positive message delivered in a negative manner will always reap negative results.”
- As children get older they may pull back from physical touch, such as a hug from Mum, but they still need it so it is the parents’ role to find a way that is acceptable to the child
- “Girls with strong and healthy self-esteem and sexual identity can better stand against negative peer pressure. They are more able to hold on to the moral standards they were taught at home, and are better equipped to think for themselves”
- If you show you give children love in their preferred language they’ll feel happy and will be more willing to help you and give you time to do your own activities instead of pestering you for attention.
Should you read The 5 love languages of children
If you want to build strong relationships with your children then yes.
I have discovered that one of my daughter’s main languages is physical touch. Previously I thought she was being clingy but now I know she wants confirmation I love her, and is also expressing her love. So I respond to her requests with hugs and kisses and aim to initiate more as well such as suggesting we sit and watch a film together. My son is younger and I don’t think has settled on his preferred languages yet. However I am able to identify different languages in his behaviour so can respond differently at different times. I hope this will help me recognise his preferred languages once they are more settled.
How do you show your children you love them? Do you know which language your children prefer?
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